When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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