Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
