you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
