none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
