i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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