someone threw a dead crab at me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
