maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
