So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
