i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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