I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
