It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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