so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
