I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
