If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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