too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
