dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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