This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
