I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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