I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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