Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
