Jerry, you need to find god
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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