No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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