My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just cropdusted the office
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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