I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
