I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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