I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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