between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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