Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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