There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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