Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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