Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
