I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
