i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
