I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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