So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish I only lived at night.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How does one acquire holy water?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
