last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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