You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I want a musical about memes.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
