can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
