He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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