are you still at the devil's house?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm always down for nudity.
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