and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
