Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
