Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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