While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
