You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
