Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
