My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
