Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
