It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
