I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
