Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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